60 second q&a with elly leavens: “being a small business owner is a creative outlet; it’s something that is all mine.”

One of the best lessons I learned in early motherhood was this: the internet & the books & the advice from the well-meaning little old lady at the grocery store with fully grown adult children can only get you so far. The real, game-changing guidance comes from the women walking in the trenches of motherhood alongside you. It’s the women rooted in the same beautiful, messy reality – in the way an algorithm or language learning model (LLM) never could be.

Dr. Elly Leavens is one of those in the trenches with me.

On paper, her CV is intimidatingly impressive: she’s a licensed clinical psychologist, an Assistant Professor at the University of Kansas Medical Center, and the founder of Luna CBT, where she offers counseling for insomnia and anxiety.

But here’s what you won’t find on her resume: Elly brings a rare blend of pragmatism and deep empathy to every conversation. She always answers if you call. She celebrates the wins of motherhood with you and does not shy away from the tough moments of it, either.

The daycare we chose to send our sons to has been amazing – I will sing their praises infinitely. But an added bonus is that it made Elly and my paths cross. And as our first-born sons grew in friendship (with our wild child second-borns along for the ride), she and I did, too.

She’s a true gem of a human being, and I hope every mother out there has a friend like Elly in their village.

– Steph

toth shop (ts): We’re celebrating moms all month long in honor of Mother’s Day. You’re a mom to two wonderful little human beings. What’s the thing about being a mom that has surprised you the most (so far)?

Elly Leavens (EL): My ability to hold two seemingly opposing emotions at the same time. My kids are exiting the baby/toddler years and entering the school-age years. I simultaneously feel the sting of grief knowing that we’ll never have those past versions of them with us again AND such tremendous joy watching them change and become completely themselves.

ts: In your role at KU Medical Center, you spend a lot of your time researching. What aspects of being a “researcher” have translated into your role as a mother?

EL: ​​I love evidence. When I am not sure what to do regarding a parenting decision, I go to the science. Parenthood (especially the first time around) is full of so many unknowns. In those early years, I looked to the evidence to see what science could tell us about some of those unknowns – sleep, daycare, feeding, discipline, etc. Going to the evidence alleviated so much worry for me. I actually learned that as parents, we worry about a lot of things that don’t have huge impacts in the long-run. That felt freeing to me!

ts: Last year you launched Luna Cognitive Behavioral Therapy where you offer counseling for insomnia and anxiety. What’s been your biggest lightbulb or aha! moment since adding “small business owner” to the list of hats you wear?

EL: I did not anticipate that being a small business owner would serve as such a creative outlet. But it’s something that is all mine. I get to decide how I want it to look, sound, feel. I’ve found a lot of joy in the creative aspects – learning to design the website, create social media posts, and write content.

ts: In ten words or less, what’s your best sleep advice?

EL: Keep a consistent wake time every day. No matter what.

But I also can’t help but add – you do NOT have to suffer through insomnia. There are excellent behavioral treatments that work and work fast. If you are struggling with sleep, reach out to a provider about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-i).

ts: Every person we interview answers this same question last – mile 18 is generally considered to be one of the hardest miles in a marathon. You’re hitting a wall; you’re forced to dig deep. What’s mile 18 in your line of work or at a point in your career, and what do you tell yourself when you find yourself in the middle of a mile 18?

EL: There is a lot of rejection in academia. We work on grant applications for months or years and the vast majority will not get picked up for funding (at least not initially). But I am incredibly motivated by the work I do.

My research focuses on reducing the burden of tobacco use and identifying the tobacco control policies that will have the greatest public health impact. In our work, we are constantly fighting against the tobacco industry’s innovations but the smoking rate continues to decrease which means we’re moving in the right direction. Imagine a world where we achieve the tobacco endgame and cigarettes are a thing of the past! I find it incredibly motivating to think that our work could have even the slightest impact on achieving that goal.